William Wallace
Sometime in Europe, whilst the Catholic Church was trying to rid the world of heretics, bears and liberals, one man amongst the many savages stood up for freedom. Unfortunately, these savages could not understand freedom so handed him over to the English whom had heard of the word from Stephen Colbert's great great great great great great great great ..... grandfather. The English, after much tea drinking, and yellow-teeth staining concluded that freedom was a "disease", best cured if the one seeking it were to be executed, then quartered and what left of him, hanged. For this unholy of unholy conclusions, the English were excommunicated by the one true faith. William's Family William's Father Cut to pieces. Died trying to find out what freedom was. Good man, good skirt too. William's (Almost Hundreds of) Girlfriends As part of his war on terror and for freedom, Wallace has declared Pre monocta, where by everyone woman in Scotland must have sex with him and breed an army of Scots. These freedom fighters eventually hitch a raft onto America. William's Education As a leading barbarian, Mel Gibson William Wallace received the finest elementary education at the time; such inhuman teaching emphasized throwing stones at helmets, watching Uncle's drool soup down their beards and learning to use this before using this. William Learns Rock Throwing After elementary education, every Scotsman worth their skirt must prove themselves a man, not by using a gun, like any civilized free man would do, but by picking up a big boulder and squashing liberals "like a worm!!". Naturally, Wallace protested about there not being guns invented. That and not watching the Colbert Report. William Learns Sword Fighting Hoo - hwah! ARRGGH! William Influences Fashions William Makes Wearing Skirts Manly Prior to some big-assed battle between the Anglesh and the Scots, William decided to cover himself in blue lipstick and wear a skirt. R ya at ey ya mind?! Was the general response, until the effectiveness of raising this skit in front of the Anglesh and their many arrows convinced the Scots that it was indeed highly manly. William Makes Wearing Make-up Manly Following the battle against some anglesh, Mel Gibson's Willie's make up is covered in red blood. William Fights for His Freedom William Joins The Insurgency Whilst on his way to catch a rat to eat, Willy stumbled upon a witch, flattening her hat. She then showed William an amazing episode of the The Colbert Report. Unfortunately, nearby English soldiers saw what was happening and slapped the witch in teh face, before having their skulls cracked and their helmets soaking in blood from a vengeful willy. William Pisses Off The French Naturally, a hairy barbarian as Mel Gibson William Wallace is a sex magnet to French women and as such, an entire army of half Scot-half bear "people" are born. The French are pissed in that the new offspring are only 50% bear, but William gives those french female bear women the "time of their life" - he uses them as a shield in various battles. William Pisses Off The English This is easy - he simply puts them between his legs, forces them to bend over and kiss his own arse. Naturally, this would stain any man's teeth brown, but instead makes the English teeth extra brown - as a result, their tea tastes like shit, only now with Scottish shit added to it. That, and something about stealing king's girlfriends. William's Death William didn't really die, its an Anglesh liberal myth - he was preserved for all time in a statue that still stands today, frozen as a rock somewhere in the barbarian lands of Scutlan. Some theories exist that he was reincarnated How William Changed Europe Considering that men carry bags, still wear skirts, and despise freeeeeeedooom!!!, it is safe to conclude that even Scutlan itself is not changed by William. However, after many years of scientific debate amongst European scientists, a conclusion has been reached that underwear should be worn to protect a man's pride, after a spiky encounter with numerous battles between William and the arrows of the English. The Scots do not wear underwear, nether do the french since they have no distinction between a man and a woman. william wallace had 15 children.